personal review

A long overdue look at my unwillingness and inability to commit to and connect and empathise with people, ideas, beliefs, things, events, etc.

I’m very good at distancing, disconnecting and detaching myself from people and things. I started employing this strategy in high school as a way to protect my emotional state from pain when things to which I’d hitherto attached myself went sideways. Nowadays it seems like I try to beat myself to the chase, seldom bothering to engage in the first place to save myself the trouble of dealing with things potentially going awry.

It has been beneficial in some ways. I believe it has improved my ability to objectively survey things and broadened my perspective. It’s decreased my fear of approaching and talking to people, because I care less about what they think of me and whether the interaction goes well. It’s had the intended effect of reducing my emotional hurt. It’s made decision making easier because I’m attached to no thing and no one, and that gives me incredible freedom and independence.

My risk aversion and laziness go hand in hand. Empathy and passion are big emotional investments with high returns but high risk.

I’ve essentially placed myself in a devil-may-care bubble in which I am interested in things but not invested in them. This is extremely problematic if I want to develop fully as a person.

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